BITCH BE PATIENT

heterokay:

technically, your entire life has lead up to the moment you are currently reading this textpost

  • Child: mommy I'm sick
  • Mom: yaaaaas bitch cause I am what? SICKENING
  • child: but mommy I've been throwing up
  • Mom: yaaaaaaaaaaas bitch gag on my eleganza

geoffrmsy:

dekutree:

tbh I don’t see the fuss about having waiters/waitresses not being happy and enthusiastic like I came here to eat I didn’t come here to be amused by employees as long as I’m getting my food and they’re not being blatantly rude I don’t see why y’all need to go on yelp to rank a restaurant 0/5 and have an outburst on why your waitress didn’t smile at you when she poured you water

this is pretty fucking important

deluminator:

my mom is rly gonna love this poem

"Don’t promise when you’re happy,
Don’t reply when you’re angry and
Don’t decide when you’re sad."
anon (via invhale )

Ass according to sign

  •  Aries: Horrible
  •  Taurus: Softly
  •  Leo: Squishable
  •  Virgo: Very pretty
  •  Gemini: Beautiful
  •  Libra: Excelent
  •  Cancer: Nice asshole
  •  Aquarius: Tiny
  •  Capricorn: Perfect
  •  Scorpio: Not so ugly, not so pretty
  •  Pisces: Very good
  •  Sagitarius: No have

hotboysofficial:

when questions contains the answers to a different problem on a test 

image

gracefullikeagazelle:

knives-and-pipes:

upgraders:

most private thing im willing to admit: im not good at estimating how much pasta is enough for one person 

image there’s a tool for that

I’m sorry, does that scale progress from a child to a HORSE?

I’m so hungry I could eat a horse, I’m so hungry I could eat a man, I’m so hungry I could eat a small child let’s dine

megamintcat:

ryansealcrest:

does it come with butter pillows

is anyone reading that description 

megamintcat:

ryansealcrest:

does it come with butter pillows

is anyone reading that description 

scary

scary

sherrocked:

My little sister is a really pretty girl and she gets dick pics all the time from annoying boys, so being the girl she is, she started using them as blackmail.
She now has about 30 boys doing her bidding because one stepped out of line and she got someone to print out 500 copies of the photo and mailed it to his family.

My sister is 16 and she’s running a black mail Mafia.
She’s going places.

stoned-levi:

that settles it
we have to get rid of the ocean

stoned-levi:

that settles it

we have to get rid of the ocean